i have been back for a year. holy crap. where has the year gone? time surely flies, don't it?
as much as i hate to put you through one of those life journey and soul searching bullcrap, i'm gonna. you are more than welcome to move on to another blog that is more interesting and filled with real contents, or hell go chomp the ears off some chocolate bunnies because it's easter time. but if you're stubborn and do decide to stay, be warned. i'm going to be self-absorbed and totally obnoxious.
here it goes.
i don't think i miss england as much as i'm suppose to. i mean i still have moments where i miss my life in oxford like crazy, but those nostalgic feelings for the year in england sure have faded. though i do miss many people i met over there. every time i look at pictures from my year abroad, that life of mine felt so familiar, yet so distant, and with so many memories attached.
i think i stole this off kirby's fb
as calm and laid-back as i am these days, i have toughen up and grew balls (as my brother put it, but not literally of course). many people around me don't seem to like that. too bad because i love it. and to be completely honest, i'm too chill to give a rat's ass if its to people's liking or not. sometimes my own chill-ness amazes me, seriously, i'm worried that nothing is going to excite me anymore, and that i'm going to feel disaffected all the time. i think i miss those self-deprecation, self-loathing and general lack of self-confidence dramas a little.
i play guitars now. one of the things i started this year. why? because i refuse to wait around for a scruffy bloke who plays guitar and holds my hand to miraculously show up and fall madly in love with me. i'm going to take care of the guitar part myself so a scruffy bloke who holds my hand but doesn't play guitar can miraculously show up and fall madly in love with me. no, seriously, i started learning because i've always wanted to. and if you have a guitar instructor as cute as justin, why not? anyways, for a beginner, i'm weirdly good. my own goodness blows my own mind. no actually i'm lying. sure like to hope so though.
unknown source
i made a couple (or three) not-so-new friends in the past year, the not-so-new part is because we have been friends for ages but never really got to know each other all that well. but we did and i'm glad. i seem to have a problem telling them just how special their friendships mean to me. mainly because these things sound totally lame if you say them out loud. but also it was one of those things that came easily, not a result of time, compromise, or pretentiousness. it came so naturally it's funny to call it precious. for those lovelies who have always been there for me, i want you to know that i'm beyond grateful, even though i don't always say it.
it's been a very interesting year really. i sort of reconnected with different stages of my life and reconciled with a few people. i got my closures and also gave some. so i was told, as you grow up you start to get a sense of who/what is good for you, and who/what's not. it turned out to be totally true, no joke. having said that, i really hate smugs these days, i think smugs should stop being smugs, especially when you don't have what it takes to be one, stop it! i beg of you to just fucking stop it already.
this year i also realized how incredibly stupid and blind one can be when it comes to relationships. sometimes people have no idea what they want and what they are doing. they lose themselves in relationships, or what they called "love". but it's not like i haven't got my ends all mixed up the whole year. i guess we all can't help it. i mean it's just so hard to confidently possess your own mind when you are swept off your feet. is that why they called it "head over heels"? ahhhhh a moment of realization is always awesome.
new york was a nice way to mark the end of this year. i think i really liked new york, especially brooklyn. more on new york in a later post.
i apologize for subjecting everybody to random pictures and a stupid long-ass rant on my past year. sorry if i bored you. but i did warn you, didn't i?
